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Worst dating mistakes men make.

Dating is hard, as we all know. The single life isn’t easy, and no one wants to be alone. But many men just like you make a lot of dating mistakes that ultimately lead to unhappiness or sleeping alone.

The worst part is that most of you don’t even realize when you are breaking some of the major dating rules. Even worse is when you think you are doing the right thing and believe that you are coming across as cool or sexy when, in fact, you are turning off every woman within a 20-mile radius.

So what can you do about that?

I feel your pain and your anguish, and I have put together a handy little list of the worst dating mistakes that men make and how you can avoid them. They are as follows:

*Staring or ogling at a woman, or following her across the room. Guys, this borders on stalking and is extremely creepy. A little eye contact is okay if done with confidence, but be careful not to stare for too long and be sure to smile.
*If you want to say hello, then say hello. Don’t stare a woman down half the night and then try to approach her. She’ll likely run away or spray you with a can of mace or zap you with a stun gun.
*Not calling her by her name. If you expect to get a positive response from “babe,” “chick,” or “broad,” you might be dating in the wrong generation. These terms are considered degrading and repulsive to most women and will only turn her off and make her think you’re a jerk. So don’t use them. Instead, find out her name and use it often—and by all means, pronounce it right. Nothing is more annoying than having someone mispronounce a name.
*Spending the whole conversation staring at her breasts. You should look a woman in the eye while you are talking. She will notice if you don’t. On the same note, do not compliment her explicitly on her body parts. Treating her like an object will turn her off quickly and make her think you are a jerk. Instead, concentrate on looking into her eyes and getting to know her as a real person.
*Controlling every aspect of the date. This is a serious dating DON’T! If she wants to order for herself, open the door for herself, or even pay for herself, let her. Although women like to feel pampered, they certainly don’t want to feel overpowered. By allowing her to express independence, she will be impressed that you do not feel threatened by her liberty. The key, though, is to follow her lead.
*Being too sexually aggressive. Don’t act like you want to jump her bones before you even know her name. Acting like your only reason for being with her is getting into her pants is not going to get you the girl. Instead, it will get you a very bad reputation and set you up for another dateless night.

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*Spending all your time checking out other women while you’re talking to her. Trust me, she will notice, and she definitely won’t like it. If you truly want to impress her and attract her to you, then you must focus all your attention on her. Treat her as if she is the only woman on the planet. Treat her like a lady, a lady that you are sincerely interested in getting to know.
*Bringing up your romantic history too quickly. Don’t brag about what a great lover you were to your last girlfriend or spend time telling stories about your old girlfriend or other dates you’ve been on. No woman wants to spend a date hearing about your ex. Instead, concentrate on getting to know her. If the conversation turns to your ex, then simply say that things didn’t work out and move on.
*Talking about questionable things that you do. Refrain from bragging about using drugs or participating in other illegal activities.
*Don’t talk about how much you can drink, the drunkest you’ve ever been, how loud you can fart, how far you can spit, or the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. This is not the way to impress a woman. Instead, concentrate on your positive attributes.
*Acting self-absorbed. Don’t talk constantly about yourself, and do not divulge too much about yourself all at once. Leave a little mystery and intrigue.
*Be honest about what you can do and ask your woman questions about herself. Let her get to know you slowly.
*Looking, feeling or acting desperate. Being desperate or needy is definitely a turn-off—women hate needy guys. Instead, be confident and assured. This will help you get more dates than acting desperate or needy.
*Poor hygiene. This should be a given, but it is so important that I had better mention it anyway. If your breath stinks, your clothes are unclean, or you smell like yesterday’s garbage, she’s going to be turned off. On the same note, if you’ve eaten something that makes your breath offensive, do yourself a favor and chew some gum or pop a peppermint before you approach her.
*Talking about sensitive issues. Avoid untactful conversation topics such as death, politics, and religion in the early stages of dating. These topics are controversial, and it’s best to keep conversation light in the beginning. Otherwise you may turn her off before you’ve even gotten the chance to turn her on.

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Acting possessive or domineering. Women hate these traits in a man. Although they like feeling protected and cared for, they don’t want to feel as if their mate doesn’t trust them or wants to run the show.

Remember that you should always treat your date like a person and respect her and work hard to avoid being rude and impolite. Try to imagine how she might feel if you were in her shoes, then do the right thing.

Don’t talk on your cell phone while you’re talking to someone in person. It’s just not polite and sends the message that you are distracted. Keep your phone on silent or vibrate and check it discretely if you are concerned about missing calls. If you must return a call, excuse yourself and take it somewhere else. Try not to be away too long. Nothing is more annoying to women than feeling as if a man is easily distracted.

Don’t drink to the point of intoxication. You should know what is too much for you. Although it is acceptable to go out and have a few drinks, it is not acceptable to become intoxicated and then approach a woman. Not only will this make her uncomfortable, but it will probably embarrass you, and this is not what you want.

Do not whine or complain or appear needy or selfish. Later into the relationship, you can discuss your wants and needs, but professing all this in the beginning, when you don’t even know her, will send out a very bad impression.

Do not pretend to be what your partner wants. Although this may seem like the way to go, it is much better to be honest at the very beginning. Although it is okay to accentuate the positive, it is never cool to lie. Embellishments are simply bad business and can lead to hurt her feelings and dissatisfaction.

In conclusion, if you memorize the above list of dating mistakes and vow not to make the same mistakes that most men make, you will see results immediately. You’ll find that you have more success with women whom you’re interested in dating.

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Find out What to do if she’s not interested

Most of us know how to tell if a girl is interested. We know the signs of flirting: the head tilting, the eye contact, the infamous hair flip.

You’ve studied how to flirt with women, how to make women approach you, and even how to get phone numbers. So you’re out making use of your newfound knowledge. You’re chatting up a girl at the club, in the mall, or even on the elevator.
You’re walking with confidence, dressing better—heck, even smelling better. You are a man on a mission and won’t take no for an answer!

But … what do you do when the girl you’re into isn’t interested?

Let’s say you’re practicing all the techniques, and you even saw her giving you the eye from across the room. So you catch her gaze and smile, holding the glance for a few seconds then breaking away.

Later, you repeat these steps. And she’s still looking at you. You want to approach her, but she’s with a group of catty friends, so you wait for just the right moment when she’s alone at the jukebox. You’re ready to make your move. This is the perfect moment: you’ll say “hi,” she’ll say “hi,” you’ll make some conversation about music and then it’s on. Right?

So you say, “Hi, I’m fill-in-the-blank.” And she responds with a “Hi.” Good sign! Then you notice her jukebox selection and you comment, “You know, I saw that band in concert in February! They’re awesome.” Way to go, Smooth-talker, this one’s in the bag. “So, do you have any of their albums?” You give her perfect eye contact and a charming smile.

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She looks straight back at you and replies with, “Did you know you spilled beer on your shirt?”

Ouch! That one’s gotta hurt!

Okay, so most women are actually not that rude when they reject a man. Most women try to spare the opposite sex the ego-crushing humiliation. But still, it’s hard when she’s not interested. So what is a guy to do?

Well, for starters, don’t take it too personally. Chances are, if a woman rudely rejects you, you wouldn’t want to be with her anyway. The same goes for a woman who’s just not interested. You deserve a woman who’s keen on you, not just the other way around. Not everyone you meet will click with you. It’s part of life, so accept it and move on.

The real problem comes when women are playing hard to get. How are you supposed to distinguished between a cool “come get me” attitude and a cool ice princess one? Sometimes women just lead you on so that they can watch you fumble and fall on your face, when they had no intention of going anywhere with you anyway.

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What are the real signals that a woman isn’t interested? Here’s a list, starting from the most obvious to the lesser signals that you may not catch.

• She ignores you, insults you or flat out tells you she is not interested.
• She walks away.
• She starts another conversation while she’s in conversation with you.
• She looks back towards her friends or anywhere except at you.
• She has crossed arms or a “standoffish” posture.
• She backs away when you lean closer.
• She turns her body to the side rather than angling it towards you.
• She answers all your questions with a quick, “Uh-huh,” and doesn’t ask you any questions back.

If a woman at a club is playing cool, here’s one way you can see if it’s just a pose: ask her to dance! Often, women just get bored with small talk. Let your moves on the dance floor speak volumes.

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The 5 Most Deadly Conversation Mistakes YOU Probably Make With Women

Let’s face it…

If you want to create attraction in a woman… you must possess the ability to talk.

You can know all the “secret attraction building techniques” in the world… but if you can’t carry a conversation… YOU GET NO WHERE.

(Don’t worry, we’ll discuss some of those “secret attraction building techniques in future articles.)

Right now I want to concentrate on the exact ways you’re killing your conversations… probably without realizing it.

Mistake #1 — Breaking the 90/10 Rule When Starting a Conversation

Have you ever noticed that most conversations don’t pick up steam until about 5-10 minutes in?

This is because when you start talking to someone new, especially somebody you do not know yet, they are going to be just as cold inside their heads as you were before you psyched yourself up — making yourself ready to start that conversation.

A conversation needs time to build “conversation momentum.”

The problem most guys face is that don’t ever give their conversations a chance to build that “momentum.”

Most guys expect to hit this “conversation flow” too quickly. And because of this the opposite effect happens… and their conversations just “stall out.”

Well you have to carry the conversation. Be prepared, in the first five or so minutes, to carry the conversation by providing 90, or even sometimes 100, percent of all the content until the woman gets warmed up a little bit.

How do you do that?

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Keep talking!

Well the rule is very simple: Just keep talking.

By taking control of the conversation right from the beginning, you allow her time to “warm up” and shift her brain from “receive mode” rather than “give mode.”

In future articles I’m going to show you exactly what tools you need to be able to do this… but for now, just know you HAVE be prepared to talk 90% of the time for the first 5-10 minutes of your conversations….

Mistake #2 — Not Recognizing the Signals a Woman Is Giving You

You have to recognize the signals that women are giving you so you know whether you have the right kind of emotional intensity — the right energy — and whether the topics you are talking about are actually even appropriate for this point in the conversation.

How do you do that?

Well, you use your senses. Your eyes and your ears are your best friends. You have to watch people’s reactions and learn to read them.

You naturally have a good sense of when you are boring her, when she is excited and how she is reacting to you. You just have to make sure you pay attention.

The rule of thumb is when you first start a conversation with someone or with a group of people, you want to have a little bit more energy than that group had before you came in.

You must recognize where she is at in terms of her energy level, her enthusiasm, her excitement, and how her neurology is wired up and lit up. Then you can pitch your own energy level to be just slightly above that. And you will be sure to be a success wherever you go because you will not be too much and you will not be too little.

Mistake #3 — Not Assuming Rapport Right From the Beginning

For the longest time I could never understand why it took so long for me to develop rapport with women… while my friends seem to jump right into it.

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And then it hit me…

I was waiting for rapport to happen naturally… and they were assuming it.

When you are talking to a woman, even if it’s your first time talking to her… talk to her in the same laid back way you would talk to an old friend.

Most guys do the complete opposite… they talk to a woman in a “stiff, formal” way reserved for strangers…. And this just makes it more apparent that you are a STRANGER. And this puts her guard up. And this creates that uncomfortable “awkwardness” that is devastating to a conversation.

By jumping right into rapport you create a more natural feeling conversation and give her the feeling of “knowing you forever.”

Mistake #4 — Going Into “Interview Mode”

I know you’ve experienced it… talking to a woman, and feeling like you’re on a job interview.

This is the dreaded “interview mode.”

This happens when you don’t know what to talk about. So to keep the conversation going you ask questions like:

What do you do for a living?
What do you do for fun?
Where did you grow up?
What kind of music do you like?
It’s not the questions themselves that kill you. It’s the rapid firing of question after question… and the steady stream of fact based answers that destroy any sort of “chemistry.”

A conversation is supposed to fun vibing back and forth… it’s not supposed to feel like a job interview.

Mistake #5 — Letting Her “Lead” the Conversation

Most guys are so unsure of themselves when talking to a woman that they look for the woman to give them “approval” or “permission” before they take any lead in the conversation.

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And this is DEAD wrong.

The minute a woman realizes you’re looking to her to lead the conversation… her attraction instantly disappears.

Most guys let the woman lead the conversation because they are scared of “pissing her off” or choosing the wrong topic.

But here is the thing…

Women will follow whatever tone you set for the conversation. If you set a fun, flirty vibe… she will follow.

And even if she isn’t interested in the topic you’ve chose to discuss… she’ll still respect you a lot more for taking the initiative.

The Biggest Mistake

Do you want to know what the biggest mistake men make in regards to their conversations with women?

Not getting help.

Would you believe that 10 years ago it was nearly impossible to find this sort of information on improving your conversations with women? This meant that guys were forced to either struggle forever, or figure it out on their own.

However, you have no excuse. There is help available. Help that can change your “game” almost overnight.

Even though it has been close to five years since I last struggled with this… I still know the pain you feel. I had felt it for more than two thirds of my life. And I don’t wish that pain on anyone.

Now, I know that anytime, anywhere I can go out and talk to women and create attraction.

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This is what fueled me to create a program about this. I asked 5 of the guys I know who are the absolute best at talking to women… to join me on this program to help create that change in you — a lot quicker than it took me.

It’s jam packed with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for creating the right mindset for talking to a woman, getting “in the zone”, making her laugh, creating rapport, keeping a conversation flowing naturally, overcoming “sh*t tests”, dealing with guys who might be overshadowing you, and most importantly, creating attraction as you talk to her….

This is arguably the most comprehensive “conversation training” you will ever receive. There is no way you can listen to this program and not come away with at least a dozen tips that will change the way you communicate with women… nearly immediately.

To become a master at talking to and flirting with women, check out the very popular Conversation Escalation: Make Small Talk Sexy and learn how to instantly generate attraction through the way you talk to women.

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A question that is on every woman’s mind – WHAT TO WEAR, WHAT TO WEAR!

Here is some help for a wardrobe fix for your closet.

Going through a divorce really does a job on a woman’s self esteem. Some of us give up on our looks for awhile because even trying to look good can be exhausting. Well, don’t wallow too long in self-pity because some of us will get lost and may never come out. Some of us have the mentality that since we feel bad we may as well look that way too. There’s nothing wrong with spending a day being lazy, but if that day grows into two or three and a week, you need to stop that and get back into living.

People will judge you on your appearance and if they say they don’t then their lying. You need to boost your self esteem by starting to take pride again in how you look. Nobody say’s you have to be model perfect, or spend hours in front of a mirror, but taking pride in your appearance again will help you to get back some of the self confidence that you lost during your divorce.

Here are some helpful ways for you to get back into life and back into caring about how you look. Maybe it’s time to go shopping for some new clothes. Doing that alone should help you feel better. I’m no expert when it comes to clothes so I found some expert advice on and an article written by Diana Shepherd. This is what she has to say about getting on with your life and looking good doing it.

Get a Haircut
The first thing to do that is a good ego booster is to get a good haircut. You need to get a cut for the way you look now. It doesn’t matter if you may have put on a bit of weight going through your divorce; a good haircut has the potential to make you look good at any weight.

If you don’t have a hairstylist in mind, ask a girlfriend who she trusts. It is advised to talk to the owner or manager of the shop because he or she will have the most experience on what types of styles would be good for you. Some good questions to ask them before he/she cuts your hair is: How long have you been cutting hair, and how long have you been with this particular salon. They should have no problems answering your questions and if they do them maybe you should look somewhere else. This is your new life that you are beginning and you want to don’t want a bad haircut to start off with.

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The hairdresser will take into consideration your type of hair (curly, straight, limp, fly-away, etc.) the shape of your face (round, oval, heart-shaped, thin, etc.), and your lifestyle (indoor or outdoor job, amount of time you’re willing and able to devote to styling your hair on a daily basis, etc.) before suggesting a style. Tell the stylist how much time you can spend on your hair every day. If you’re a busy single parent with a demanding job as well as kids, you need “wash-and-wear hair.” choosing a style that’s going to take 45 minutes to arrange, is not going to work for your busy schedule so do yourself a favor by getting something easy to take care of. Also, if you can’t afford to have your hair cut every six weeks, stay away from short styles. A good medium-length cut will look good as it’s growing out, so you can get away with four haircuts a year.

It’s a good idea to let the stylist work from beginning to end with your hair. Trying to save a little money by not having your hair styled afterwards is not a good idea; at least have your first cut styled so you know how to get the same look at home.
Once you have a great cut, take care of your hair by avoiding excessive blow-drying, damp combing, or curling — all of which can damage your hair.

Wasting money on expensive shampoo is like sending your money down the drain with the suds. Your hair is dead as soon as it grows out of the scalp, so products that claim to “feed or nourishes” your hair is really a waste of money. It’s suggested that if you want healthier hair than taking vitamins A, B6, B12, C, E, Beta Carotene, and Biotin will help more taken orally more than rubbing something on your hair. Expensive is not necessarily better, you should use a clarifying shampoo once a month to get rid of excess conditioner and styling product buildup. Now that we have taken care of your hair, lets move on to the wardrobe.

Out of the closet
If your spending 15 minuets everyday looking for something to wear, then it’s time to re-invent your closet. The first thing you need to do is organize your closet. This will take a good two or three hour, so give yourself plenty of time. Be ruthless with your clothes and start filling bags or boxes with stuff you haven’t worn for six months or more. These will go to Goodwill or some other organization that needs clothes. I’m sure since the hurricane there are many places in need of nice clothes. Filling these bags or boxes will also give your ego a boost because you know your helping someone else in dire need of what you have to give. Get rid of everything you know you will not wear, and if they don’t fit, or if there out of date, give them away, this includes shoes too. You will be buying clothes that fit the way you are today.

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A wardrobe that works
You should buy the best clothes you can afford because they will last for years. I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t spend $200 on one jacket after my divorce. If the best you can do is buy a few things for this year, then that’s what you need to do. When your financial situation gets a little better in the next year or two, then you can buy better clothes. Try to do the best you can with what you have at this time. Target and K-Mart have really nice business clothes that won’t set you back, and nobody needs to know were you buy your clothes unless you tell them.
Buy clothes that fit you, don’t buy them too small or tight, (in hopes that your going to loose that weight), or clothes that are too big and hang on you, (to hide that you have gained weight). Doing this only makes you look heavier than you really are.

These next couple of pages will help you pick out the things you need for work and play according to what you do and where you live. Remember to treat yourself with kindness because you have been going through a really emotional time. Don’t beat yourself up if you have put on a few pounds because it happens to the best of us. I personally became friends with Ben & Jerry’s ice cream for a couple of months and I’m still trying to loose the weight I gained from my divorce. Try not to let it consume your life and get out there. Get a great haircut, buy some great clothes and you will see an immediate improvement.

These are the suggestions by Diana Shepherd, I didn’t change too much because I need all the help I can get when it comes to clothes and what looks good with what. I did happen to take her advice, and I went clothes shopping myself. Wearing the clothes that fit right will do wonders for your self image, so don’t wait too long to go shopping. I have an appointment for the haircut though. I haven’t been to a beauty salon for almost two years now, so I really need it.

The Basics
The Basics are the clothes you’ll wear every day. You should love them, they should be comfortable and easy-care, and you should feel confident that you look great wearing them. If you don’t know which styles flatter your particular body type, pick up a book such as Presenting Yourself: A Personal Image Guide by Mary Spillane
Pants should be comfortable, but not sloppy. Choose a washable fabric that holds its shape (check out the wrinkle-free, tailored pants that you can find at most department stores).
Wear the crisp white cotton shirt to work with your suit or you can wear it with a skirt, or with jeans for a casual but classy look. Make sure it’s made of good-quality, washable cotton, and that the style is simple for easy ironing.

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You look marvelous!
Be realistic about what an attractive appearance can do for you. It won’t make you happy or successful in life or in love. What it can do is give you a little extra self-confidence, which might be the boost you need to get into action somewhere you’ve been stopped — whether that’s looking for a new job or a new relationship.

Because divorce is such a taxing experience, anything you can do to lower your stress is a good thing. Drugs and alcohol really are not stress relievers, so do things more natural and healthy. With these tips, you will be able to get up in the morning, going right to the closet already having something to wear in mind, a quick shower, a little make up, and you are on your way, looking and feeling great to face your day.

Women’s Basics
a jacket in your Basic Color (black, brown, or navy)
two skirts (one long, one short) in your Basic Color
a pair of pants in your Basic Color
a white cotton shirt (or two)
a silky blouse
a simple all-purpose dress in your Basic Color (dress it up with faux pearls for a night out, or wear it under a jacket at work)
two turtlenecks or long-sleeved T-shirts, one white and one in your Basic Color
a couple of plain, round-necked cotton T-shirts in white
one pair of flat shoes in your Basic Color
one pair of medium-heel (an inch and a half to two inches) pumps in your Basic Color
one good purse in your Basic Color
one good leather belt in your Basic Color
pantyhose and socks in your Basic Color, and skin-toned pantyhose
jeans, sweaters, shorts, sneakers, swimsuits, sportswear etc. to suit your needs and lifestyle two vests: one in your Basic Color, and one in a color you love and/or a print.

The lengths of the skirts will depend on your body type and where you’re going to be wearing them. If you’re buying them primarily for work, one above the knee and one below the knee will probably be best. If you go out frequently to evening functions, your long skirt should be 3/4 or ankle length. Again, both these skirts should be plain, well-cut, and the style should flatter your body type.

You’ll also need one silky (perhaps real silk) blouse for evening wear or dressy events. Most silk or silky fabrics can be hand-washed without a problem; think twice about a blouse that absolutely requires dry-cleaning. For me, it’s a waste of time and money to be lugging shirts to the dry-cleaner on a regular basis, so I usually pass on anything I can’t wash myself.

A word about undergarments: if you’ve never done it, now’s the time to visit a specialty boutique and have an experienced salesperson help you find a bra that really fits you. I thought all bras were monstrously uncomfortable until a knowledgeable sales assistant showed me that I was wearing the wrong style and size (these are very common mistakes). And as for panties, I suggest you buy one pair a size larger than you normally would (most panties are sized much smaller than regular clothes). Take them home and wear them, and if they’re comfortable (and don’t “ride up” or bind your legs or tummy), go back and buy another six pairs in white, black, and skin-tone. You can also buy extra panties in a color you love; if hot-pink makes you feel happy and brave, by all means buy some hot-pink panties!

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How to Make Women Chase You

Most men shoot themselves in the foot by pursuing women aggressively, a.k.a. “chasing” them. Not only does this behavior turn a woman off, but it completely destroys any possibility that the woman will chase you.

In any relationship, at the beginning, one party is going to be more interested than the other. As a guy, it’s always better for you if the girl is more interested in you than you are in her. Here’s how to make sure that women chase you rather than vice-versa:

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1) Go Slow At First

When you first start dating, or even just talking to a woman you’re interested in, you want to take it really slow. Don’t be all up in her business 24/7 asking her to hang-out, texting her, bringing her little presents or whatever. Instead, act casual. Don’t treat her like you think she’s a big deal. Act like she’s just some girl you know.

2) Give Her Space

If you meet a woman at a bar, don’t suffocate her with your attention. The mistake most guys make is that when they find a girl who is willing to talk to them, they stick on her like a piece of lint from that moment on. They stay by her all night, they ignore everybody else, and they basically act like she is the focal point of their entire universe. Bad, bad, bad!

Instead, talk to her for a minute and then turn to your friend or the guy next to you at the bar and start talking to them. Or go take a leak, or whatever and then go back to the girl. This way she’ll be thinking “hmmm? I wonder if he’s going to come back?”

The same thing goes when you’ve just started dating a woman. Keep doing the stuff you were doing before you met her, like going out with your friends… Don’t try to see her every day.

3) Date Other Girls

When you’re dating new women all the time, you send out a totally different vibe than a guy who doesn’t date much. You’ll seem relaxed and content, not anxious and horny like some guy who hasn’t gotten laid in 10 years.

Also, a woman is way more likely to chase you if she thinks you date a lot. If she thinks you’re all hers, she’ll wait for you to call her. If she thinks she has competition she’ll be thinking, “What is he doing right now? I hope he’s not with that blonde he was talking to… Dammit I should give him a call!”

Of course you shouldn’t mention the other girls you are dating, just act like it’s assumed. You don’t even need to be dating anyone else for this to work. Just act like you are. Try to develop an abundance mindset towards dating.

While dating multiple girls is easier said than done, once you have three or four girls you are seeing, new ones will just seek you out and start chasing you because you are putting out this crazy stud vibe that women can’t resist.

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Advice on how to “Unleash your inner confidence”

A positive attitude is perhaps the single most important thing to have when it comes to getting women. If you don’t have it, you will find it very hard to evoke a positive response in the women that you meet.

The fact is, women don’t want guys who are negative, critical, or complain all the time. They don’t want men who are wary and suspicious of women’s intentions.

Rather, they are most attracted to men who are assertive, self-confident, joy-filled, caring and sensitive.

If women are going to be attracted to you, you need to be attracted to yourself. You need to be the sort of person that you yourself could respect and admire.
How do you do that?

A common misconception that people have is that self-confidence is something that you acquire. I think that confidence is something that you always have inside you, it’s just that you need to find a way to unleash it.

Once you unleash your confidence from within, you will be happier and more assertive, a man who knows what he wants and gets what he wants.

Have you ever looked at the people who are very successful in life? I’m not talking about actors or famous people, but rather those people we see around us every day who appear to have a really good life. They have a nice job, a really great partner, and a good handle on their life dreams. You look and them and think, wow, you’ve got it made.

What you need to realize is that a life like this doesn’t just happen. It comes about through hard work and confidence. People that have nice things take risks. They have to put themselves outside their comfort zones and risk failure. They know that the potential rewards outweigh the risk.

If these go-getters had no confidence, they would have stayed where they were. They would have accepted their lot and not tried for a better life. At some stage in their life, they realized that they had the capacity and ability to strive for what they wanted … even if everyone around them was telling them that they couldn’t.

So why am I telling you this?

Because if you want to be irresistibly attractive to women, you need to put yourself outside your comfort zone and take a risk. Without risk, there is no reward. But it takes confidence to takes risks. You need to be confident that you have the right to take a risk and be confident that you can handle the consequences, whether good or bad.

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When you were a baby, chances are that you had tons of confidence. You explored your environment without fear. You stuck things in your mouth, whether they were good for you or not. You smiled at everyone.

As you got older, you discovered that some things you did resulted in unpleasant consequences. You touched something hot and got burned. You smiled at someone, and he shouted back at you. You tried to make friends with a child only to get rejected.

These unpleasant experiences rocked your natural confidence. You began to feel more timid and less at ease in your world.

Your goal as an adult is to get back to your natural state of confidence.

When you are comfortable with your surroundings and the people in them, you’ll feel good about life and your ability to navigate through it. When you know what expectations are, what you have to do to achieve your goals, and have support to back you through difficult times, you’ll feel confident. You won’t even have to work yourself into this state; it just will be.

To jump start this process, you need to start thinking positively about the things in your life. Where there are roadblocks, see challenges. Where there is rejection, focus your attention on where you find acceptance. Where there is dejection, reconnect with your natural exuberance by playing sports or playing with a child.

By mentally transforming the world around you from a scary place into a place where you feel at home, you will start to see your confidence shine through.

It’s a simple rule:
* Negative thoughts produce negative attitudes.
* Positive thoughts produce positive attitudes.
* The more thoughts are repeated, the stronger those attitudes become.

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When you are having a bad day, resist negative thoughts by remembering the love and caring that you experience from other people in your life.

A useful exercise is trying to see yourself through the eyes of others. Think about your friends. Why do they like you? What things attract them to you? What do you think you add to their lives? What do they add to yours?

Quite often, the things that your friends find attractive in you are the same things that the new women in your life will find attractive, too. You may have a genuine nature and a sense of honesty. You may be very loyal. You may be compassionate and loving.

Being attractive is not just about having good looks. Attractiveness is a function of the total person: how you talk, what you say, how you move your body, and the affection you show towards others. Ask yourself whether or not your friends care that much about how you look. How much do you think that they care about your appearance in comparison with your personality?

Why should a woman be any different? It’s a simple fact that getting to know someone will make them more attractive in the mind’s eye. Although a woman may be initially attracted to you because of your appearance, it is the person she gets to know who will tip her over the scales from interest into infatuation.

Take a close look at yourself and your life. What do you see? This can tell you a lot about how much confidence you have.

Ask yourself these questions:

1. What physical attributes do you have that are appealing? It may be your height, the color of your hair, your strong jawline, your flat abs, your calf muscles, anything!

2. Think about your personality. Are you smart, witty, honest, loyal, genuine, helpful, romantic, or a leader?

3. Consider your posture. How do you hold yourself? For one moment, hold your head high and pull your shoulders back. Imagine that you are a movie star, like George Clooney or someone else you admire. How would you walk?

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Body language is a powerful medium through which people can tell a lot about you. Confident people portray their confidence through the way they move and hold their body. A guy who lacks any particularly attractive features but has the walk of a confident star-on-the-rise will turn heads wherever he goes.

When you are out in public, be aware of the way you walk and the way you hold your body. Don’t scuff your feet or let your shoulders droop. Instead, hold your head high and move your body with power and grace. I can guarantee you will get more people noticing you.

Posture is just one facet of the whole pictures. Another is manners. Manners are such a lost art nowadays, and it’s refreshing to see someone being pleasant and saying hello to strangers or holding a door open for someone. Showing your good manners is guaranteed to get you a very favorable reaction, because it will make people think you’re a gentleman, and there’s nothing woman like better than a gentleman!

My own personal belief is that it’s so much easier to be pleasant than it is to be surly. It gets you more attention from women, too. I promise you that if you can transform at least some of your negative thoughts into positive ones, you will start to feel better about yourself and receive more compliments on what a great guy you are.

So listen to compliments and believe in yourself. At the risk of sounding cliche, you have to be your own biggest fan. I truly believe this. Belief in yourself will spill over to other people, and they will be attracted to this person who is so clearly content and at ease in their life.

Focus on the positives in your life. No matter how bad you may have it, someone out there has a worse life than you. So be grateful for the many good things in your life, like your friends and family and your health.

Now that you realize just how much you have going for you and have a fragile confidence in yourself, you need to recognize that self-confidence is not the same thing as being arrogant or oblivious to your own faults. Self-confidence people recognize that they have faults and work to correct them.

If there are things that you don’t like about yourself, make a list of them and take a proactive approach. Instead of blaming yourself for not being perfect, take charge of your life and work to correct anything you don’t like. Every aspect of ourselves can be improved in one way or another, if you think creatively. If you can’t think of any way to improve something, take your dilemma to a trusted counselor or mentor.

Transforming your life into the one you’ve always dreamed of may take a long time to achieve, but remember that you aren’t powerless. You do have the power to change your life for the better. And for every thing you improve, you increase your confidence and belief in yourself.

The rewards of achieving self-belief and inner confidence are immeasurable. If you believe in yourself, others will believe in you. And that belief will give you the strength to step outside your comfort zone and get the things you want.

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Ten Essential Flirting Moves You Must Know

There are 10 essential flirting moves that you must know:

1) Smiling

You must smile. You probably think you smile now, but you don’t, really. You should practice your smile in the mirror. To be big enough to be noticed, your smile will probably have to be bigger than you are used to.

2) Getting Caught Looking

Most people look away when the object of their desire looks at them. If you want to let that person know you are interested, when they catch you looking, smile, hold eye contact a moment longer, then look away.

3) Waving

A little wave to someone who caught you looking, along with a smile, is a non-intrusive, very flirty way to say “hello.”

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4) Winking

You can wink at someone from across the room, or wink at someone during a conversation. If he or she says something funny, or someone else does something silly, you can give a wink as a way of sharing a little moment for just the two of you, as if the two of you are in on some private joke no one else is aware of.

5) Asking “What’s the Story Behind That?”

You can ask “what’s the story behind that?” about any special or unusual thing your quarry is wearing or carrying. Examples: “That’s a really neat bracelet you are wearing. What’s the story behind that?” or “That’s a really great briefcase. What’s the story behind that?” Even if there isn’t much of one, it’s given you some conversation.

6) Holding Eye Contact

While you are conversing with your new friend, you want to be sure to have eye contact at least some of the time. At least once it’s a good idea to hold the eye contact a little “too long,” just a fraction too long, so there’s a brief, more intimate moment between you.

7) Non-Intrusive Touching

This can be as simple as placing your hand lightly on his or her hand for a moment, or touching his or her back for a moment as you walk to a table to sit down. Just do this a couple of times on the first flirting interaction — if the person pulls away, don’t do it again.

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8) Checking Him/Her Out

Checking out someone’s body must be done properly, especially if you are checking out a woman. The goal is for your new friend to feel complimented that you noticed his or her body, not objectified like some piece of meat. You do this by making eye contact, then quickly, in less than a second, passing your eyes down and then up over his or her body, then back to looking in the eyes. It should happen quickly, and you should be unashamed of taking a glance. Just don’t do it too often.

9) Using the “Good-bye Compliment”

If you are shy, flirting with the “good-bye compliment” may be just the thing you need. On your way out, you simply go up to the person you want to flirt with, and say something like, “Hi, I have to go now, but before I did, I really wanted to let you know that you have a really great sense of style, and that I noticed it. I wish I had more time to spend with you, but I have to go.” Then leave. This allows you to build your confidence in approaching people, without having to take the risk of rejection — after all, you have to leave, you couldn’t stay even if they wanted you to! (Some people also ask for phone numbers at this point.)

10) Stopping While It’s Still Fun

Remember, flirting should be fun, and you should leave the flirting interaction feeling victorious. Most people leave their flirting interactions feeling like failures because they don’t stop until it stops being fun. If you stop flirting on a high point, while it’s still fun, your new friend will feel good when thinking of you, and want to see you again.

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My Favorite Pickup Lines For Meeting Women

If you are truly an aspiring Don Juan, try these. These pickup lines are among my personal favourites. I have yet to get a negative response from any of them.

Pickup Line 1:

Hello. I really don’t have any good pickup lines to use on you… except maybe one. (She will ask to hear it.) In a very suave, deep, Italian-accented voice, “How you doin’?” (just like Joey Tribbiani on the television show “Friends”.) 99% of most women know what you are talking about and the comedy helps break the ice.

Pickup Line 2:

Hi. . Well maybe we can go out sometime and grab a bowl of cereal. Most guys say coffee, but I’m a cereal man. (Most women laughingly will ask what kind of cereal. If you recommend a place where you can get good cereal, she will realize you are serious for a date… or would like some company over a bowl of cereal. 99% of the women I have tried this with go out with me just to see what kind of cereal they can get.)

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Pickup Line 3:

This works in a crowded bar setting but it only works if you get the 2 second eye-contact “look” and smile from a woman who is interested. Walk over. “Hello. How are you this evening? I was standing over there and couldn’t help but notice you were staring at my butt.” This is hysterically funny just because 1) she wasn’t 2) a totally wrong observation on your part, and 3) only you would have the guts to come up and say something like this.

Pickup Line 4:

Finally, just walk up to a girl and say, “Hello. I’m Mr. Right. I heard you were looking for me?”

If you mention anything regarding their physical appearance right from the start, you will sound insincere. She may be the most beautiful woman you have ever seen… but ignore that fact, and talk to her like you would any other person. This really helps break the ice and eases the awkwardness of meeting someone new.

Once you have the dialog, should the topic of sex come up… and it will… you can always say, “I haven’t had sex in so long that I’m wondering if they’ve changed it.”

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All you need is the Magic Formula

The dating scene can be murder. Consider the plight of the male antechinus, a tiny shrewlike marsupial that inhabits the forests of Australia. During his one and only mating season, he must scamper around feverishly, desperately seeking a willing female who’ll concede him his single chance to propagate. So overwhelmed is he by the urge to merge that this sad little rodent may go bald, lose his teeth, develop ulcers and drop one-third of his body weight to find a date. By the end of the first week of mating season, the forest floor is strewn with scrawny, hairless, toothless corpses.

Not all of these marsupials end up in such a pathetic state. Some actually do find mates, settle down, have a family, invest in slow-growth mutual funds. But these are the lucky ones, the chosen ones, the ones who have what it takes to strike a female antechinus’s fancy. Which makes us wonder: What is it, exactly, that makes one tiny hairless rodent more appealing than the next?

Better yet, what makes a normal, red-blooded man more appealing than the next? After all, we’re animals too – not tiny, no, but increasingly hairless – and we’re driven by the same instincts and participate in our own elaborate mating rituals. And when it comes to mating, some of us have our virtual pick of the litter while others struggle endlessly to find a partner. Why is that?

The answer lies in the nature of attraction. In humans, as in shrews, females are biologically programmed to desire certain things in males, and vice versa. “We don’t attract women by chance, but rather women act on cues to certain desirable characteristics,” says David M. Buss, Ph.D., University of Michigan professor of psychology and author of the book “The Evolution Of Desire.” And that’s not because of what society tells women; it’s because of what evolution tells them. “The rules of attraction cut across all cultures,” says Helen E. Fisher, Ph.D., Rutgers University anthropologist and author of the book “Anatomy of Love.” “Women find certain traits more desirable than others, frankly, because these traits enhance their survival.”

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What all females, forest-dwelling or condo-owning, seek on a purely instinctive level is status, that one factor that signals that this is the guy they want. In the wild kingdom, status can take any number of forms: the amount of food in a male red-winged blackbird’s territory, the protein-rich secretions offered by a male insect or the fullness of some male deer’s antlers. For humans, it’s no different. “It’s the hallmark of the human animal – that women pick good providers – and status is a cue to power, protection and resources,” says Fisher. Volumes of research clearly show that high-status men get more women than low-status men.

But what is status, and what marks one man as having it and another as falling short? It’s money and power, yes, but it’s a lot of other things, too. While having piles of cash and sleek wheels can be impressive, they cannot explain why Joe Schlump in accounting has such a drop-dead beauty queen for a wife when his paltry paycheck and 1975 Pacer aren’t exactly big turn-ons. His status may not lie in his looks or trapping but rather in his dependability, his trustworthiness or his potential to be a good father. These are also signs of status – and they mean a lot more to some women than Maseratis and indoor swimming pools.

So perhaps you’re a little jealous and you’d like to know what she sees in him. Or perhaps you’re happy as a clam and you’re still trying to figure out what she sees in you. Simple qualities, some of which you already possess, and some of which, if you don’t now, you can. By making subtle, deliberate changes, you can increase your “mate value,” the biological measure by which women subconsciously judge your attractiveness.

AMBITION. Ambition is a powerful magnet, not because it signifies status but because it signifies future status. Right now your bank account may be bulgin, but if you’re not striving – or at least appearing to be striving – for something better than you have, your appeal wanes. That’s because women are attracted not simply to the resources wealth offers but to the drive that pushes a man to seek wealth in the first place.

When women are asked to list the most desirable traits in a potential mate, ambition and industriousness are rated as indispensable. “Women developed desires for men who show a talent for gaining resources and a disdain for men who lack ambition,” says Buss. In prehistoric times, an ambitious, resourceful man was the one most likely to bring home an elk to feed the family and figure out a way to use the antlers to beat back intruders If you show the desire to expand your wealth and influence (even if you don’t happen to have any right now), you send out the signal that you’re desirable. So keep looking for new responsibilities, new challenges; a little button-down derring-do can do wonders for your appeal.

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BALANCE. While you’re out there trying to change your little slice of the world, remember to take some time to relax and enjoy yourself. Women look for balance, and any kind of overindulgence, good or bad, makes them nervous. “If you meet a woman and you give evidence you’re a workaholic, that tells her you may not be around to help with the kids and invest in the relationship,” says Buss. The same goes for your drinking, your exercising, your football watching: If you eat, drink and breathe sports, you’re not going to score. All things in moderation.

MODESTY. Like a peacock displaying his superior plumage to potential mates, a man who is sure of himself and shows it in his actions has higher success in finding a partner. But self-confidence must be legitimate to have any pull. “Women are quite good at distinguishing false bravado from real self-confidence,” says Buss. Exaggerating your power, sexual adeptness or athletic prowess, which are acts of an amateur, will only signify your lack of status. Even the peacock can run into trouble, as his ostentatious display often attracts predators as well as sex partners.

TALENT. Boast not with words but with actions. Learn a unique talent that sets you apart from other men. By displaying that talent – whether it’s playing the piano at a party, building a birdhouse or performing a magic trick (hell, David Copperfield used magic to snag Claudia Schiffer), you’ll come off as supremely confident and a guy who’s head and shoulders above the competition. “And you garner attention, a potent status cue,” says Buss. “Plus, showing off your competence signals a take-charge kind of leadership, which is a cue to status.”

SENSITIVITY, NOT SIMPERING. A little vulnerability every now and then may actually enhance you’re desirability and status. In one study, women looked at sets of responses to questions answered either from a masculine point of view or an “androgynous” viewpoint – meaning a mix of both feminine and masculine traits. The women rated the androgynous male as more favorable in terms of intelligence, morality, dating and mating potential.

But here men have to walk a fine line. “As the feminine side grew, sexual attractiveness declined,” says study author Robert Cramer, Ph.D., professor of psychology at California State University, San Bernardino. That’s because, for all the talk of making men more sensitive, the truth is that “Women admire men who have firm beliefs, take control in financial or career decisions and protect them when they feel threatened,” says Cramer. The key is to exhibit emotional sensitivity without exhibiting helplessness.

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Do: Admit when you’re wrong or ask for directions when you’re lost; feel free to tear up a little during a Meg Ryan movie; express it when you’re feeling hurt of sad; show some emotional fortitude when bad times hit.

Don’t: Act helpless to get out of doing something you don’t want to do; get defensive when you’re in the wrong; chicken out after you’ve made a commitment; brood, sulk or play hurt to get what you want.

A COOL DEMEANOR. While a quick temper can create an aura of dark sexuality, in the real world it suggests you’re as stable as a trailer park. “Moodiness signals to women an inability to handle stress, and that you’re undependable,” says Buss. “Being emotionally stable, though, suggests resiliency, an ability to cope with stress and setbacks,” says Buss. Your best bet is to find a good stress-reduction technique – exercise, for example – that will keep you from blowing your lid at the slightest provocation.

A LITTLE JEALOUSY. So you’re out with a woman so unbelievably beautiful she’s causing a parade of fender benders. You feel uncomfortable and a little overprotective. That’s good. “Women interpret jealousy as a cue that you’re invested in the relationship as they are,” says Buss. But don’t let your jealousy get the best of you. “Too much jealousy signals lower mate value and status on your part,” says Buss. Getting angry at the slightest glances from other men signals to the woman that you think she’s out of your league and could find someone better. Chances are, she probably will.

SUBTLETY. “Often men erroneously think that because they welcome overtly sexual advances, women do, too,” says Buss. But research refutes this. One study found that while women might think it’s just fine to seductively suck on a straw or blow kisses to attract men, they find similar come-ons by men repulsive. “Even if a woman wants a one-night stand, suggesting you want the same is a big mistake,” says Buss. That’s because coming on like a satyr undermines your status and presents you as untrustworthy and unreliable. In fact, the criteria women use to judge men for a night of casual sex (being self-confident, funny, ambitious) aren’t all that different from the standards they use when scoping a permanent mate. Even if all she has on her mind is a quick one, she’d like to think you’re interested in much more.

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By the way, in almost every scenario, the rule of thumb is, take it slow. Even if you’re sure she’s interested, let the game play out a little more. Your relaxed patience suggests higher status by convincing her you’re neither desperate nor interested solely in a roll in the hay.

HUMOR. Women love comedians. They love comedy clubs. They love Jerry Seinfield, and he’s no looker by any means. But there’s a good reason that a sense of humor is rated as a highly desirable trait in studies of attraction. “Beyond displaying a playful, easygoing attitude, a sense of humor conveys a social presence, which translates into high status,” says Buss. Being funny in front of others (as opposed to doing it alone in front of a mirror) shows the confidence to command the attention of a group. That confidence suggests you’re on top of things without being uptight. And that relaxed self-assurance is usually a by-product of attaining high status.

Now some guys are funny and some guys aren’t. If you’re one of those men who just can’t tell a joke to save their own life, fine. At least learn to laugh at yourself and see the humor in a variety of circumstances. Men who never smile are equated with social ineptitude and lower status.

A STRONG VOICE. Here’s an easy way to attain status: Concentrate on your speaking voice. Studies suggest a low, smooth, strong voice without a wide range of pitch (meaning a consistent tone) is strongly attractive to the opposite sex. “A low, resonant voice may serve as an indicator of virility or a good sexual partner,” says Miron Zuckerman, Ph.D., of the department of psychology at the University of Rochester, New York. A nasal-sounding, squeaky, high or shrill voice was found to be unappealing. But if you’ve ever watched Roseanne, you already know that.

A SMALL DEGREE OF FAME. A sure way to attract women is to become famous. “Fame converts to status and status converts to resources,” says Fisher. Since you may not ever get the chance to guest of Charlie Rose or save the earth from a crashing meteor, better to cultivate a little fame locally. “It’s really in your neighborhood where fame counts,” says Fisher. “It’s there that you’ll meet women and hope to impress them.” That means becoming involved in local charities and politics, and keeping a somewhat high profile in social circles. You’ll meet more people and be seen by more people, which will add to your prestige. And don’t worry if your fame-attained status never gets beyond the city limits. “Status doesn’t travel very well, anyway,” says Fisher. “You can be an extremely high-status Tongan, but go to New York and see where that’ll get you.”

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